Queuing with Finesse

You mean people can actually have style when they stand in line?

Yes. Yes, they can - and you can join them!

By why would anyone want to have such a ridiculous skill, standing around with style? Here's why - it's a London survival skill. Without an immense (and somewhat cult-like) respect for this system of orderly standing about waiting ever patiently for more bureaucratic inefficiency this whole city would fall apart at the very seams.

The seams I tell you!

So, tube queuing first, because as mentioned in the first post, London would come to a grinding halt without the public transport. Firstly, have your oyster card or travel card ready for the barrier. Halting and pausing 3 feet away from the gates creates a traffic flow issue that gets surrounded by an angry mob of annoyed people who had their commemorative Kate and Wills oyster card at the ready (and irate people with normal non-commemorative oyster cards.) But of course, once you get through the barriers there is yet more standing around order to be adhered to by all.

Now, these next two points are signposted in all tubes stations and are pretty universal but I'll highlight them again. On the escalators, stand on the right and walk on the left. You want to know why you've been instructed to do this? It's because this 'walking' that happens on the left is more like a 'mowing-down-anyone-or-anything-in-my-way-can't-you-see-I'm-running-late' on the left. You've been warned. Let people off the trains before you get on the train. It's common sense, they practically shout it at you and if people get off the train, there's the odd chance you'll get a seat.

Paying for Groceries/Shopping

Form an orderly line. Don't queue jump - this isn't Spain or Italy. We're not as efficient as the Swiss or Germans but by god, cut into the line and risk the wrath of the most vicious dirty looks ever from total strangers.

Special Occasions

So, there are two places where orderly queuing 'happens' but only in name but is in point of fact more of a competitive sport. People jockey their way forward for a good position and they seek the attention of those with the power to give and fight their way through a throng of others to claw their way to the head of the pack. These are the illustrious exceptions to British prim and proper - the bar and Ryanair flights. These are the elbows out competitive queues. Italian queues on steroids - disorderly but with none of the relax-there-is-enough-for-everyone attitude. That's because the mob knows better - there are only so many seats near the exits on a Ryanair flight and there is only so much alcohol behind that bar. To you desiring to tackle these monsters with good grace I wish you good luck. Focus on the positives - at least you didn't get maimed by the mob in the tube on the way over.